Kissing Online Frogs

Posted: March 1, 2011 in My Life, The One with a Twist, Why Me ??

I think it’s about time for me to make fun of people again for the reasons where they tend to be smart and end up looking like a fool. I kinda love it sometimes.

I do experiment a lot, from my drinks to books i read to the places i eat at. And this time its this stupid  jungle they call Online Dating. Here are a few of my latest emails received. Oh how I love seeing the English language being slaughtered. Le Sigh..
(on a serious note – don’t you people dare judge mine, i just torture it in return of the hundred years of being in shackles of British empire, else i’m too good at it). Well coming back to the Dating mails..

mademoiselle #1: you seem nice get back if your interested.

A quick glance at her profile reveals that she’s some US based 29 something “women” and as a career she wrote: “I work about 60 hours about in Software. i’m happy with my life”. That’s all she says and the only answer to the typical “About Me” stuff she gave was her salary.

First of all I’d like to know how I seem nice when you’ve never spoken to me. You can’t really judge niceness based on a written profile, especially not one that’s to the point and cynical, like mine is. That would be like me telling her that she seems loud. Which she does, what with all the yelling and such.

Also what the hell does “about 60 hours about in Software” mean? You work close to 60 hours kind of with something resembling Software? You work 60 hours a week? A month? A pay-period? Who the hell cares how many hours you work I’m not “interested”.


mademoiselle #2: do u have a Facebook account? gmail at least ?

While I’m at it, can I just give you my address? We haven’t exchanged 5 words and you want me to give you all my online social accounts? What kind of person sees this message and thinks; “gosh he/she sure did put in a lot of effort to obtain a personal bit of information from me, I should definitely give him/her a chance.”

So, giving her a chance, I looked at her profile and find these tantalizing tidbits: I am sexxy, energetic, and easy going. I am 22 female 5’4 and looking for friends and more. i am adventurous and always looking to try new things.

Good thing you’re sexxy and not just sexy because I never date girls who are “only one x” sexy.

Moving on!

mademoiselle #3: HI! I am nice good looking indian girl based in Bangalore who is looking for some fun.

If you’re so good-looking why don’t you have a picture up? Also, telling a normal guy you’re looking for some fun = telling that you are a whore who just want to talk. Or something along those lines. or else maybe you are experimenting it just like me.
My backwards analogies always make sense in my mind.

On the positive side of life, I met a very nice, good-looking, sexxy girl at a friend’s party last month. We hung out all night, dancing and chatting. Unfortunately at the end of the night a stupid friend of mine got into a fight (How old are we boys?) with some other guy and I was dragged out of the party by bouncers before getting the chance to exchange numbers with my pretty companion of the night.

May be I should have left a shoe like Cinderella… Well guys can have their share of fantasies too..!!


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