Reasons Why I’m going to Hell

Posted: February 25, 2011 in My Life

Out of sheer random laziness (or hyperactive thinking) sometimes I start to think about “Reasons Why I’m Going to Hell”. After the first ten or twenty I just try to stop thinking about it, while rocking back and forth and slowly chanting : “I’m a good person, I’m a good person”.
But still i performed the same ritual of thinking about hell yesterday. With that not so interesting design draft, full of all class diagrams (people related to the work Computer Engineering might know :P) it was obvious that my subconscious will force me to something like that, plus no one in my team or the nearby team was free for having a cup of tea/coffee, So what i was left with was my random stupid imagination and cynical thoughts 🙂

Thing is that i complied my reasons for going to hell and here they are:

1. Sometimes I pretend to be Omniscient (though i’m almost one 😛 but still..), and yeah i’m good at it too… i can easily get into conversations, and its damn too easy for me to talk about varied topics for hours without giving away a slight hint to the people that i’m only a Jack of all trades and master of well… a few.

2. I always hope that no one else makes it to the elevator in time before the door shuts. This could stem from my hatred of loud-breathers (especially when in close quarters) or from the fact that I don’t want to stop on every floor on the way up to my own.

3. I give girls makeovers in my head (no matter how i dress up of carry myself i’ll continue doing so). I imagine different hair colors, what kind of makeup I would put on them, the clothes that I would dress them in. This is fully, totally a narcissistic “I’m-better-than-you attitude” and I’m fully aware of that. I still do it, sometimes for male friend too.

4. I blog at work. I act like I’m sooo busy during that time and that my job is stressing me out when really it’s only certain people that stress me out. My job can be stressful for sure but mainly it’s the unrealistic expectations that are put on me, not the job itself.

5. EDITED…. after some people asked for it, in brief… Karma is a bitch… 🙂

6. I’ve borrowed items from friends and have on purpose ‘forgotten’ to return them. In certain instances they eventually get them back (though i always try my best that they don’t :P), it’s just that that black shirt was so perfect for the hostel outings. And this new Ferrari T-shirt of sameer (my flatmate), well i’m planning to borrow it soon… Shhhh!!!

7. I have, on occasion, tried to blame minor slipups through lies on someone entirely blameless. “Yes I made the call to the Phone company, haven’t they fixed it yet? Cunning people they are… “. At that moment I could have sworn I did make the call. But in reality I’ve forgotten to make that call and right after such conversation i’ll be doing it.

8. I lie… not a lot, but yes time to time i do lie… to my friends, to my parents, had to lie to my teachers in college, my ex girlfriend… I’ve lied to them all.. well maintaining a good guy image is a tough job these days… 😛

9. I used to return my books really late to the library by sneaking them in and putting them back on the shelf. I then go to the front and whine that I know I have returned that book and could they please check their system again.

And the number one reason I’m going to hell:

10. I don’t believe in hell neither in God too. I assume God is just a moral fear created to keep the society under the control in the name of some unseen eternal power called the ‘almighty’ who can punish people for their deeds and when one’s wickedness is unaccounted for in his lifetime we can rely on God to punish him/her in hell or in the next birth… ironic. Rather than believing in God I’ve my own theory about this world being ruled by probability, will share it sometime soon.

These are pretty much the main “to hell with me”items on my plate. Though i doubt the probability of rebirth, salvation and existence of heaven/hell. Still, if I’m ever to go there in hell, i assume it’ll be a really cold place devoid of all the good looking girls, all the good music, literature, no EPL/formula 1/ motoGP and of course there won’t be any internet connection too and above it we will be forced to listen to people like Al Gore talk about how great he is, watch him shine his Nobel Prize while he is spending his millions of dollars heating each of his homes and driving around all his SUVs to get to his private jets so he can fly off and talk about how global warming is bad. Also we’d also all be forced to eat things like pigs feet, calf’s liver, tripe and chicken claws…. Oh, ain’t I a veggie… 😦

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