Things Indian Parents Say

Posted: March 13, 2013 in Random Bluff

With the last one being on relatives, how can I leave the parents behind. The notorious, caring, lovable Indian parents :)

 

  • आने दे तेरे पापा को आज
  • नहीं!! बस तुम्हे कह दिया ना जाना पड़ेगा
  • चलो अब शादी से आ गए ना, अब ये कपडे उतार कर रखो, अगली बार काम आएंगे
  • कपडे अलमारी में हेंगर पर रखो 
  • कल पेपर है, अब तो ये फेसबुक बंद कर दे 
  • यही आखिरी साल है मेहनत का, आगे तो बस आराम ही आराम है 
  • घुस जा टीवी के अन्दर मैन ऑफ़ द मैच तो तुझे ही मिलना वाला है  
  • बड़ी हो गयी है अब, खाना बनाना सीख ले 
  • अभी सफाई की थी फिर पुरे घर में गीले पैर घूम गया
  • आंटी को थैंक यू बोलो 
  • अभी तो सब सही लग रहा है तुम्हे, हमारी उम्र में आओगे ना, तब पता चलेगा 
  • रात के 2 बज गए हैं, थक गया होगा, अब सो जा 
  • बड़ों की इज्जत करना कब सीखोगे 
  • अच्छा मेरे कहने से एक बार चला जा 
  • आवाज़ नीचे!!
  • क्लास में फर्स्ट कौन आया 
  • पता नहीं कौन सी चक्की का आटा खाते हैं उनके बच्चे, हमेशा ही फर्स्ट आते हैं 
  • कभी भगवान का नाम भी ले लिया करो, हर वक़्त फिल्में, गाने 
  • सब्जी खाओ, इसमें ताकत है 
  • बचत करो, वक़्त का कोई पता नहीं 
  • बेटा भैया को ट्विंकल ट्विंकल सुनाओ 
  • हमने तो पहली ही कहा था, पर हमारी सुनता कौन है 
  • कितनी बार बताना पड़ेगा तौलिया धुप में सुखाया करो 
  • फिर पायजामे से हाथ पोंछ लिए, बाहर जाके धो नहीं सकता 
  • पता नहीं कब अकल आयेगी इस लड़के को 
  • मैंने ये प्लेट लगा के रख दी है, आंटी आएँगी तो 10 मिनट बाद ले आना (Usually happens on Holi)
  • हाय कैसा छोटा सा मुह निकल आया है 2 दिन में ही  (After fever)
  • सारे दिन धुप में खलता रहता है, देख कैसा काला पड़ गया है 

     

  And some gems from the personal collection:
  • अच्छे घरों के बच्चे रात के तीन-तीन बजे तक नहीं जागते 
  • ये बाल कटवा ले, बाजे वाला लग रहा है 
  • क्यूँ इतना परेशान हो रहा है, कौन सा तेरे चाचा का लड़का खेल रहा है मैच में 
  • आजकल की लड़कियों का कोई भरोसा नहीं, बेटा संभल कर रहना
  • ज्यादा बातें जान गया है हैदराबाद में रह के 
  • मेरा लाडला बच्चा, सच सच एक बात बताएगा, तू नहाता तो रोज़ है ना 
  • घर से तो रोज़ टिफ़िन बांध कॉलेज जाता है, अटेंडेंस कैसे शोर्ट हो गयी तेरी  

 

P.S. I love my Parents*

* No Conditions applied :)

Shit Indian Relatives Say

Posted: March 1, 2013 in Random Bluff

Relatives, and specially Indian relatives form such a hilarious bond with our life, no matter what, they always come up with their ‘two’ cents. A humble attempt to cover the general shit ( just figuratively) relatives say:

 

  • हमें भी सिखा दे ये इन्टरनेट
  • चिंटू को लैपटॉप दिला ला एक दिन नेहरु प्लेस से
  • कितना कमज़ोर हो गया है हैदराबाद जाके, वहां कहाँ अच्छा खाना मिलता होगा
  • बेटा कौन कौन से गेम दे गया इसको, दिन भर कंप्यूटर के सामने बैठा रहता है
  • ले थोडा देसी घी ले जा, बेसन के लड्डू भी हैं, अपने आप खा लियो, किसी को दियो मत, कहीं बांटता फिरे सबमे.
  • और क्या ला रहा है हैदराबाद से हमारे लिए… ?
  • और एक साल हो गया अब तो सैलरी बढ़ गयी होगी
  • भैया का तो हो गया, अब तो बस अगला नंबर तुम्हारा ही है
  • बाइक और दिला दी तेरे पापा ने तुझे, बेटा पढाई पे ध्यान दे
  • अभी तुम्हे मजाक लगता है, हमारी उम्र में आओगे तब समझ आयेगा
    (you said the same thing when I was 5 and you were 25 :) )
  • एक दिन के लिए तो आता है उसमे भी पुरे टाइम मोबाइल
  • अरे रख ले कौन सा रोज़ रोज़ आता है तू
    (Mausi with 500 Rs. note in hand)
  • हैदराबाद में दूध वुध मिल जाता है कभी की नहीं
  • बता रहा हूँ मैं, ये मोबाइल आफत है जान की
  • घर आ जा खीर बनाई है तेरे लिए
  • तेरी नौकरी तो बैंगलोर वाले जीजा ने लगवा दी होगी  (yeah right… he run the national employment exchange)
  • बेटा बस छोटा भाई है तेरा, इसकी भी जॉब लगवा दे  (like i run the national employment exchange)
  • पुरे कपडे पहन के बहार निकला कर, यही मौसम तो बीमार करता है
  • देख लो बुढ़ापे की जिंदगी है आगे आगे
  • मिनी तो बहुत याद कर रही थी रक्षाबंधन पे पर तेरा एड्रेस ही नहीं था की राखी भेजें
    (ever thought of making a phone call and asking ??)
  • हाँ वो मिनी बता रही थी, फेसबुक पे फोटो देखि होगी न तेरी
  • अब तो पीने लगा होगा ना ??
  • आजकल लड़के खुद शादी कर लेते हैं, तुम मत करना ऐसा कुछ
  • कोई मांस मच्छी वाली मत ले आना घर में
  • क्या बेटा कोई गलती हो गयी हम से ? कभी तो फ़ोन कर लिया कर
  • ये तो बहुत चिंता करते हैं तेरी, अनजान शहर में पड़ा है लड़का
  • ले ये अचार रख ले और हॉस्टल में किसी को देना मत
  • इतना सा था तू हाथ भर का जब पैदा हुआ था
  • अच्छा रिजल्ट क्या रहा सेकंड इयर का ?
  • वो लड़की तो बड़ी अच्छी थी तेरी फेसबुक फोटो में, गर्लफ्रेंड है ?
  • देख ले गुड्डू का सेकिंड इयर हैं, तुझे ही देखना है सब, तेरे भरोसे ही बी. टेक. करा रहे हैं हम तो
  • शर्मा जी के बेटे ने इतने अच्छे से काम किया टी. सी. एस. में 4 महीने में अमरीका भेज दिया, तुम्हारी कंपनी नहीं भेजती ?

 

Now time to mention some Personal Attacks:

  • ये विंडो बिकती भी है माइक्रोसॉफ्ट की ?
  • कोई नहीं शौक़ है, कर ले एक बार
    (Mausaji on long hair)
  • इंजिनियर तो सब होते हैं, कौन सा बिल गेट्स की कंपनी में हो   #Facepalm
  • अब तो दोनों भाई अच्छा कमाने लगे हो, पापा को बोलो आराम करें अब
    (and ask him to take voluntary retirement and sit at home and get bored.. duh!!)
  • सारे बच्चो की नौकरी नॉएडा में लग जाती है, एक तू ही गया है हैदराबाद
  • क्या करेगा यहाँ आके, तू वहीँ खुश रह  (^^ Only the above person made this comment :) )
  • Mum after reading this headline in Hindi newspaper:  “60 साल की उम्र में इन्टरनेट के सहारे ढूंढा प्यार”  - हमारे वाला भी सारे दिन इन्टरनेट से चिपका पड़ा रहता है, उससे तो ढूंढी ना गयी आज तक एक भी

 

P.S.  I love my Relatives*  :)

* Conditions Applied

Something I wrote a while back but never posted on my blog 
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  Originally written on: May 24, 2011
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I am a maniac about making lists. I am writing this post because I thought I want to have a list of qualities to look for in a girl when I get married.

To give you an idea about my obsession with lists, let me tell you I have a:

  • Things to do list.
  • Things to buy/shopping list.
  • Places in the world I want to visit list.
  • Things I want to dabble with (non-serious) list, e.g. teaching, singing etc.
  • Possible (serious) career options list, e.g. food critic, cricket-umpiring, literature critic etc.
  • Girls I’m in love with. No examples here, Its just a singleton set :)
  • People I want to kill list. Again no examples here.

and so on and so forth the list of my lists is kinda endless. I guess you have got a grip…

So let me start with the various factors to be taken into consideration while deciding on the girl, hope to get some volunteers to help me out in my search…

1) Should be good looking: good looking enough that people think “How did he get a girl like her?” or “He must be rich!!”, but not so good looking that she is vain about it.

2) Should write and speak good English: good spelling, grammar (because I suck at it) and pronunciation : good enough that I don’t feel like gouging out my eyes or cutting off my ears when she writes or speaks, but not so good that she can’t / won’t speak in Hindi.

3) Should not be very religious: religious / spiritual enough as to believe in God (atheists/agnostics are fine too), but not so religious that every festival has to be celebrated by doing puja/going to temples.

4) Should have a good financial sense: good enough that she knows when to splurge and when to be a miser, but not so good that when she talks money I feel like a 6 year old getting a quantum mechanics lecture.

5) Should be intelligent: intelligent enough as to carry on a conversation with, without me thinking “Death has got to be easier than this”, but not so intelligent that her IQ is more than her weight (in pounds, relax! — I’m assuming a 50 – 55 kg girl here).

6) Should be well-read: enough so that she knows who J.R.R. Tolkien is, but not so well-read that she could moonlight as a librarian.

7) Should have a good general knowledge: (current affairs / history / geography / sports / movies / music) :
History / geography: good enough that she knows what/where Angkor Wat is, but not so good that she wrote / could write its Wikipedia article.
Movies: good enough that she knows who Christopher Nolan is, but not so good that she tells me what was wrong with “The Dark Knight”.
Sports: good enough that she knows who Narain Karthikeyan is, but not so good that she knows who the F1 world champion was in 1967.
Music: good enough that she knows who Vanessa Mae is (I’m really lucky if anyone passes this test ;) ), but not so good that she knows Yanni’s real name and the difference between a soprano, mezzo-soprano and contralto (yes, I had to google the last one)

8) Should be responsible: responsible and independent enough that she can do the chores on her own, but not so independent that she would rather do them on her own.

9) Should be polite: polite enough that people enjoy talking to her, but not so polite that they can treat her
like a doormat and get away with it. Polite so that people are not scared of her & enjoy her company and non-diplomatic so that she can express her opinions articulately . Some one who says that “I didn’t enjoy that place” rather than saying “This place sucks!!!!!!!”.

10) Should be adventurous: adventurous enough so as to try out new types of food, activities, places to see but not so adventurous that she could be on Woman-vs-wild.

11) Should have an active lifestyle: active enough that on weekends she wants to do something more than just doze, but not so active that she is the energy train and I am (reluctantly) on board. (extra points for getting this reference)

12) Should not be a prude: should have a naughty streak and shouldn’t be afraid to show it.

13) [Most Important] Should make me a better person: by inspiring me or reasoning with me, making an argument I can’t refute, and not by making me feel guilty for who I am.

P.S. If she looks like Charlize Theron, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba, Natalie Portman or Yvonne Strahovski, all the above points are moo(t).
P.P.S. If you think I am a misogynist for making such a list, please read the words in brackets of the title of this post again, this is my personal preference, this is who/how I am and I am not sorry for it.

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P.P.P.S.  This is an old post contents may/may not be valid now

Welcome back blog, missed you too!!

Seems like a long time I haven’t posted in T.U.D. Ohhh, wait I was just stuck in traffic, trying to figure out a way following the ‘Traffic Rules’. Traffic rules in India? I don’t remember ever seeing a Traffic Rules book in India. That might partly explain the traffic in India. People seem to be making up their own rules as they go.
And who am I to say that?  One who got his driving license without a test. But still we Indians are too good at cribbing and being judgmental (even if we don’t know the abc of the trade, Yes I can’t play cricket still I feel like Sachin should retire). So here is my humble attempt to reverse engineer the traffic rules from what I observed:

  • Blare the Horn Rule: When you are completely stuck in a traffic jam and there is no chance to move even an inch, it is mandatory to blare your horn, ceaselessly, hoping the vehicle in front of you will convert into a chooper and give you a free way. But again why blame ourselves, the moral science books in primary standard never had a lesson on patience.
  • Head Light Rule: When you use the head-lights, it is absolutely forbidden to use the low beam- completely forbidden.
  • Jumping Signal Rule: Stopping or slowing down at red lights is appreciated. But again depends on personal faith, the first few always have the choice to jump over, over-speeding, and the look on the face as they pull it off… my my, will put monalisa’s smile to shame.
  • Fancy Lines Rule: You can drive anywhere on the road. Some people prefer to drive on the left side. And as a rule never pay any attention to the decorative white line in the middle of the road “Oh I though it”s the road we have to drive on, what’s the fuss about the lines??”
  • Customary Phone/Ipod Rule: It is a felony to be caught driving a motorbike without a mobile phone glued to your hand and ear, or atleast the music player you’ve got. The Chick in the car next to you will be definitely impressed.
  • Grand Abuse Fest Rule: When you collide with a motorist or pedestrian, it is customary to exchange profanities, no matter which party is to be blamed, it’s mandatory to created a scene, apologies are completely forbidden in the ‘moral values’ annexure of the rule book.
  • Never use Zebra crossing Rule: Pedestrians and cows have the right of way. Walk, run, stop, walk again, Jump, grin shamelessly, run again… Kudos, you’ve managed to cross the road ‘Zebra Crossings are for zebras… right ??’
  • Railroad Crossing manifesto: When the gate is closed at a railroad crossing, all vehicles that cannot pass under the gate must stop. If you can bend, crawl or roll yourself and your vehicle under the gate, you can continue without stopping.
  • Ignore hazard light Rule: Turning on the hazard lights (both indicators blinking) means you are going straight and not about to turn (I swear this is true).
  • Defecator Privacy Infringement Amendment: When driving on deserted village roads, look straight ahead not sideways. Please respect the privacy of street side defecators – though it’s completely different while travelling by train.
  • Let the kids pass Rule: When you have to stop behind a vehicle on the road, leave bare minimum space, just enough for kids to pass through. You must strictly follow this; else the adjoining smaller vehicles may use their right of way to sneak in the space in front of you causing traffic jams.
  • Greet the Buddy Guidelines: Applicable for buses/trucks and autos – While diving on a two way street, you may occasionally pull over on the street to have a quick chat with the driver of the vehicle coming from opposite direction. While you are chatting, other vehicles stuck behind you may use their right to honk.
  • The front tyre rule – Applicable for autos and rickshaws, this rule states that wherever you can find the space to stick in the front tyre, you’ve that holy right to move in with full speed, no matter whether sometimes it results in auntyjis being air borne and thrown away.
  • 200 meters wrong side provision: Dont be surprised to find occasional motorcyclists driving in the opposite direction in your lane. Keep your reflexes well tuned for such guys, of course they just have to reach the next lane, who’ll take the toil to find a u-turn when it’s just a matter of driving 200 meters on the wrong side.
  • Right of way Rule: On a 4 way crossing with no traffic cops, it is mandatory that all vehicles should slowly move in their intended direction (straight or left or right turn) simultaneously. The fastest and the quickest vehicle would have the right of way.
  • State sponsored Amusement: Watch out for gymnastics by cyclists.They signal right and left with their heads, ohh sorry that is the state sponsored amusement for onlookers, perfectly legal.
  • ‘Sticking Arm’  Turn Indication: Turn-Indicators on 2 wheeler and sometimes 4 wheeler are to be ignored, what takes priority is sticking out your arm and waving it to indicate that you  are turning left or right. I case you have a co-passenger on the back seat the responsibility of “hath de mudna hai” is to be taken up completely by him/her.
  • ‘Sticking Arm’ Turn Cancellation: Now with this ‘sticking arm rule’ comes the ‘cancelling indicator’ rule as well, sounds complicated.. ehh too simple goes like this - when you are on a 2 wheeler (bicycle or bike), you need to stick your arm out to indicate you’re turning (yes, despite the actual indicator, the arm rule works in India)….and then when you realize that it isn’t where you meant to turn, you can happily stick your arm out again to draw a cross at the same level in the air, thus nullifying the turn (trust me I’ve seen that).

 

P.S. I missed the most important aspect – parking. But then again, one could argue that “parking” is a topic that requires a whole post dedicated to it. No?

P.P.S. I think out of all the chaos Indians can still take the credit for inventing the smallest unit of time – semi-demi-hemi-nano-second? It’s the time between the traffic light turning green and the guy behind you honking like you just didn’t see it!

The One With the Nomination

Posted: January 28, 2012 in My Life, Why Me ??

My rather slow response to my Versatile Blogger nomination!

Apart from academics, I guess this is the first nomination I’ve got for something, and so far I’ve been nominated thrice. Well finally people find me worthy of something, a Versatile Blogger nomination, despite all the grammatical errors… damn I so much wish to see the face of my high school English teacher, she used to hate me so much, well the feelings were mutual… :)

Anyways, when I was notified of the award for the first time a couple of months back by Rhyming Med Student , my first reaction was to search and search in an attempt to find out its origin and determine if it was legitimate all ? What makes it so special if everyone gets them by the sheer fact that when 1 person receives the award, they nominate 15 more?  It’s like a pyramid scheme with nothing at stake.
But later I realized in the world full of Facebook ‘likes’, ‘retweets’ and ‘+1s’ this award allows us to spend some time and honor our fellow bloggers… It is a way to show that we respect them and we like what they have to say.

Well , I’m not a rule follower… generally, but I guess here I’ll try to stick to the rules, So the versatile blogger nomination require following rules to be followed:
1) Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them in your post;
2) share 7 random things about yourself;
3) pass the award on to 15 more bloggers that you enjoy;
4) post the versatile blogger logo in the post; and
5) contact the bloggers you have chosen to let them know that they have been selected! 

So, I’ll begin with a note of thanks to the fellow bloggers for nominating me:

1. The Rhyming Med Student
2. Ren
3. Radhika Gupta 

thank you for including me on your list!  If I could nominate the person who nominated me, you guys would be right at the top, specially Ren, her blog is indulging, witty and innocent. She shares all things that she loves, hates, goes through… an adorable blog in my opinion.

Now, for the 7 random things about me:

1. I’m a book worm, I can pass any concert, party, treat, movie, sport for reading any piece of writing I love. I’ve read LOTR at least a dozen times, and still spend most of my leisure time laying in my bed, reading. And to add.. I hate e book readers, tried both kindle and ipad but nothing beats the smell of a hard cover and the sound of flipping pages.
2. I’m a foodie (veg though) and in particular, I love Rasmalai , I can never have enough of it, sometimes even dream of it!!
3. This is my third blog, and in past I’ve deleted my two blogs in stupid fits of anger (poor lifeless creatures :) victimized of someone else’s deeds), and each time I end up dropping a mail to wordpress support asking for the “Ways to retrieve back my Blog”.
4.  I lie… not a lot, but yes time to time i do lie… to my friends, to my parents, had to lie to my teachers in college… I’ve lied to them all.. well maintaining a good guy image is a tough job these days :D
5. I’ve a certain degree of fascination for mafia and gangsters, I love the Bad guy image. Pulp fiction, Scarface, Goodfellas, Godfather are some of my all time favorite movies , I hated it when Light Yagami died in Death Note.. screw the victory of good!!
6. I love to keep things in order, say my room, my wardrobe, folders in my laptop… everything in the right place, don’t know if there is a medical term for it, but it’s like an obsession. Anyways sometimes it helps, specially with the female folk, never feel short of compliments.
7. I’m scared of dogs… not a general fear, a nightmarish fear, and It was heightened when one random day my friend’s Dog called ‘Johnny’ decided to feast on my right arm, I didn’t visit his place for at least a couple of years after it, btw Johnny’s gone now (RIP)… and I’m at ease visiting him once again :)

And now for my nominations for the Versatile Blogger

1) Thought’s in Play - Sugandha’s vibrant blog, one of my favourite… It’s full of everything  - articles, stories, poems, one liners, jokes, bad jokes, thoughts, philosophy… a True Versatile Blogger!!

2) Life’s About Experiences - A sweet ‘good girl’ blog, always optimistic, positive and humble.

3) Snigdha’s Blog - I like it for the honesty of it, all emotions right from heart, plus she reads (I guess a lot) too..!!

4) Bindu Blogs - funny and ruthless, got a great eye for the smallest things you can find humor in.

5) Inspired - Poetry right from heart, still wonder who’s behind the inspiration for ‘zave-inspired’ :)

6) Akinyiviv - She simply deserves it..!!

7) Meet APSC - Wish he write more often, an itsty bitsy writer… barely posts anything, still love his posts.

8) It’s My Thoughts - Princess Laila, that’s how she’s known, love her blog.

9) World of Dreams“Mon journey au zenith du monde” Really a versatile one, from poems, to reviews to personal musings… I love his blog, but like few others mentioned above, off late he’s neglecting his blog too :)

 

Well, I couldn’t think of a total 15, seems like another rule in the breaking… :)

The “In Things” – 2

Posted: January 25, 2012 in Random Bluff

So here I’m back with the second and the last part in the series… Well on personal front, witnessed a lot of the ‘Lovely Couple’ comment mania in the last few weeks, its marriage season here down south. An update on personal front, I’m still waiting for the refund of the Gurgaon Metallica concert, which got Cancelled (obviously it was in Delhi, what can you expect :)) has anyone got it back yet, or I’m the only odd one out??
Coming to the point,  the last in the series of two, here are rest three irritating and absurd statements, making no sense and being used almost daily…

4. All those lovey dovey and sometimes raunchy comments for every status update between girls (mostly)
5. Those half baked status updates where people do take the pain to let people know how are they feeling but are not interested in telling “why” The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 3
6. Money doesn’t matter to me!! (Biggest Lie of All times)

4. All those lovey dovey and sometimes raunchy comments for every status update between girls (mostly)

Any and every status update on a social networking site such as Facebook by any girl attracts some of the most fake sounding and amusing comments… and most of the times from other girls only The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 2 .

Status message can be anything from ”am sad”, “am elated”, “hit my car”, “kisiko uda diya yaar”, “cute puppy”, “sun rose from east today” etc etc…… and the comments section can still contain entries like ”I love u darling”, “tight hug”, “lotzaaaa”, “hi sweetheart”,”hey sexy/hottie etc etc etc” , “muahhhhhhh”, “mwaaahhhhh”, “any other phrase + darling” and all other possible and sometimes censored variants by other girls. The originators of these comments manage to deliver them effortlessly without breaking as much of a sweat… sometimes it starts looking as if a bedroom scene is going on in comments!! Usage of like button (a feature on Facebook) appears to be a complimentary offer alongwith, anything under the sun qualifies for the usage of this button.

In person meetings draw air kisses between girls and those kisses convert into these awesome comments on social networking sites. I guess it must be really difficult to give realistic and true to heart comments. Why would otherwise an “eww missing you girl” comment be there on anything and everything The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 2 probably because it has become a fashion statement and “In” thing to say.

Don’t make everyone believe that legally allowing homosexuality (by decriminalization of section 377 in IPC) in India was actually needed by more people than expected earlier!!!

My point is, please mean what you say!!! If you really love and would really kiss the other girl if you meet her, fine go ahead…. else something real plzzz!!!!

5. Those half baked status updates where people do take the pain to let people know how are they feeling but are not interested in telling “why” 

Again another presumably cool thing to do but equally meaningless to the audience. Just put on a half baked status update about how are you feeling. Anything from a smiley, some dots, or “am sad”, “am happy”, “am dreaming”, “am disappointed”, “am down” or “am up” etc could do the trick!!

The responders to these status updates are not any less interesting either. Some amuse by replying with a meaningless smiley or special characters to an equally meaningless status update, some simply go with the flow and shoot out suggestions and advice on how to live the life without knowing what was the actual reason behind the status message. Another major section of responders to such an update is made of clueless and confused poor souls who are trying to uncover the secret that elicited this status update in first place… All those why, what, how, when, where comments are thanks to these guyz.

The owner of the status update can’t have asked for more The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 3 first people would ask for the reason and then would respond on hearing the full news. You have already doubled the expected number of comments on your status update and hence would roam on the recent updates pages of your friends for more time The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 3

6. Money doesn’t matter to me!!

This is the category of people who are farthest from the truth and 99% of them surely are if not all. You want to don nice clothes, stay in air-conditioned places, drive a car, eat good food at best restaurants, have those expensive pegs down the throat, visit exotic places and raise a family but money doesn’t matter to you!! believe me, no uncle of yours is gonna pay for any of those things!!

I really fail to understand why people want to portray as if Amitabh Bachaan himself visited their home, pleaded them of taking 5 crore rupees from him but they said no to him because money is not important for them. Somebody like bill gates could say that because he already have so much but how can someone who doesn’t have enough can claim that!!

If you are being really true to your heart when claiming that, I would suggest you to go for sainthood and stop thinking about continue living in modern society. It may not matter to you but if you are planning to have a generation, it would matter to them!! If you can’t grow your own food, can’t live in a jungle or can’t stay without your car, a.c. or wallet, please ascertain yourself that money matters to you!! Earn enough to help yourself, to help those who are unfortunate and don’t have enough money to have food for two times and help your generations to come..!!

The “In Things” – 1

Posted: January 22, 2012 in Random Bluff

Hello world… The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 1
Following my B’day I guess I should put a break on sucking up and move forward, maybe some day I’ll just look back and read the last post and will think “WTF was that me, what the hell happened then”… ohkk not exactly my thoughts, ren suggested this as a possibility… anyways the objective of this post is to draw attention to some of the most fake, meaningless and groundless statements/lies nowadays flaunted by people and considered a fashion statement or “The IN thing” as they call it. A few of the observations specifically point to behaviour on facebook.

The statements summary for today:

  1. Generous use of adjectives in response to any newly engaged or married couple’s photo.
  2. Love happens only once (babu moshai, jindagi mein pyaar bas ek baar hota hai!!)
  3. My spouse means the whole world to me (mujhe apne saathi mein rab dikhta hai)


Observation in detail:

1. Generous use of adjectives in response to any newly engaged or married couple’s photo.

A photo of a newly engaged or married couple attracts responses full of all the possible adjectives. Anything from ”sexy couple”, “you two look beautiful together”, “the best couple”, “awesome couple”, “you two complement each other” etc etc make the grade!!
Some couples definitely deserve these but is it necessary that every couple qualifies for these ?? Now i really mean it..!!

After going through the chain of comments, it appears as if in the “Mr and Mrs Universe” contest, Brad pitt and Angelina Jolie’s pair would only manage to come up runners-up after the emergence of this couple of ours…

In most cases, even if the almighty himself come out of thin air to assure you in your face that the couple is indeed sexy, you will not buy it (in the desi tongue,saakshat devta bhee aake kahen kee accha couple hai toh aap vishwaas nahi karoge) but when it comes to commenting on the pic (and mostly on social networking sites), you would still use all the adjectives you have ever learnt in your life!! It’s other thing that deep inside, you may be thinking about how worse/average can it get when it comes to pairing up, or probably trying to weigh the tonnes of makeup the lady is wearing or wondering if the guy was looking better in a jungle themed fancy dress show as compared to his wedding!!!

Why can’t people just give true wishes from heart for their good life instead of just following the fashion statement of equating the couple to Greek gods!!!

2. Love happens only once (babu moshai, jindagi mein pyaar bas ek baar hota hai!!)

Claiming to have fallen in love only once ever has almost become a fashion today. It appears to me as if everyone is roaming around with a single bedroom apartment in place of a heart and this flat can be occupied by only one tenant for ever!!!

I’m yet to see or hear of a real world devdas who had said no to Madhuri Dikshit even when she lost Aishwarya Rai because he fell in love only once… there is a reason why that story converted into a film and the reason is that it was a rare “story”

Till people are in a relationship or are fresh from a break up and have had no success or luck in finding another good and worthy date/alliance, these dialogues will keep on coming from these amateur lovers…. It takes a lot of experience to understand the meaning of this emotion and you are no Arjun to hit bull’s eye in your first attempt.

If you believe me, our hearts are no less than any 5 star hotel. You can check in as many guests/permanent residents as you want and whenever you want. As the saying goes… you gotta have a large heart (dil bada hona chahiye).

If you haven’t studied biology in your school because you were too busy in love then lemme help you. Emotions, love and every other kind of feeling that we experience is because of some complex chemical reactions, hormonal bursts and electrical discharges in several parts of our bodies and these are completely reversible and infinitely reproducible phenomenon with a life lasting renewable source of energy…. so please forget that “only once” theory irrespective of who taught it to you….

So friend, by claiming that love can happen only once for you, don’t highlight your helplessness and inability to love or be loved. Don’t assure everyone out there that even the first love that happened to you was an accident and was a result of your good deeds in last incarnation of yours otherwise you would have come and gone out of the world with a single status only!! In such a big world, there is always someone better than the best known person! Don’t behave as if you tried and rejected everyone in the world before finalizing your first love and now no one can be better than him/her!!

Go out, love and be loved. Don’t hold yourself back for something that didn’t work out… Life moves on, its your call to move along with or not.

3. My spouse means the whole world to me (mujhe apne saathi mein rab dikhta hai)

Now this is another classical example of exaggerated statement leading to unrealistic expectations and most often than not, it comes from girls.

It’s always good to let people remain human in a humane relationships and don’t start equating them to super human or heavenly world until and unless you want your relationship to resemble one of the devotee and god’s!!

This ”my world” funda directly translates to the start of bad times for the guy  (seedha matlab hai bande ka band baj gaya…) as they are the ones who are affected in the worst manner. First raise someone to the status of super human without his consent and then, if the poor soul behaves as a mere mortal, start feeling disappointed and dejected!!

By claiming that your spouse is your world, you are implying that there is nothing else in the world for you to do and take interest in!! Now he is going to be your centre of attention day in and day out and should be ready to answer all kind of questions like why do you talk to that girl?, why do you come late from office?, why don’t you pamper me any more ?and why you dont call me hot now!! (hindi mein bolen toh office se late kyun aate ho?, ghar pe khaana kyn nahi khaate ho?, mujhe dekhkar khil kyn nahi jaate ho?, ab mujhe utna kyun nahi hasatate ho!!!!!)

One should try and remain human and let others remain human too in a relationship. By doing so you would have realistic expectations, would be able to give personal space to your spouse and would be happy in real sense. The world is beautiful, do interesting things and learn new skills instead of putting the tag of world on your spouse.

It’s 3 A.M. better I hit bed, though not feeling sleepy at all but in case I don’t want to miss the morning show of this stupid movie I’ll be watching just to keep up with people, I should try to sleep…
So time to say bbye, rest in the next part… The list of biggest lies and groundless statements 2

I want to die a Kurt Cobain, or hypothetically a Jack Dawson…

Irony, I can’t do either, I can’t sing and play a guitar like cobain, well neither could I pull a Dawson.. I failed at that front too. No regrets for not dying a Cobain, I never tried those shoes on, but yeah I had my fair share of luck for the latter, no accusations, I blew it up.
Sitting here in my balcony at 1 A.M. in night, watching the few BPO cabs dropping people off at this odd hour of working, It feels like being one of those crazy people staring gloomily at the world, being clueless of what you want from it, or what it want from you…

Sometime I accuse people of being two faced, but off late I feel that I’m the biggest two faced liar of them all, I joke around, attend parties, listen to people, call my mom everyday, talk cool to my brother, and the time I disconnect the phone, I smile to myself.. you pulled it off nicely bud. You crack up some exam, and people congratulate for it, the siblings look up to you, and they say all the good things, but deep down you are thinking, you mug up a couple of months, get some score in some Exam… Big Deal ?? Maybe… but what next.. Still you are the left alone, A fellow sitting alone on such a beautiful night, even the beauty scares you, you feel gloomy, for some unknown reasons.

I ate up some 12 chocolates today, watched entire 11 episodes of The Big Bang Theory without a single smile, listened to the Gothic rock on my iPod. A wonderful laid back Saturday, and still I’m uneasy. “Smile and let the world smile with you” I read in a blog I just started following, Smile… sounds so simple, feels so hard, I can make the world smile, some silly jokes, some witty chit chats, a small hang out with friends, I laugh, mix up well, and by the time you are back to your place, again the same haunting feelings, the same unexplained despair, a feeling of letting people down. I don’t know what I want from life, I have a nice job, money to buy stuff & pay all my bills, still have a decent saving, even that don’t please me any longer. I lack something, I have a longing for something, something even I don’t know, like something is missing, something big. I have stopped writing, haven’t read a book since long, I returned that book I borrowed unread.
Alcohol has stopped pleasing me, it seems to have no effect any longer, the void is getting bigger, more like a pain, I just don’t know what I want. Yesterday I called up my whole friend group in college, even some old school friends, everyone is so normal, so satisfied, so happy, and I’m all left alone searching for that something missing… and I couldn’t even talk about it. I hope, for my own sake, maybe everyone goes through such phases, and just like me they  just don’t talk about it, and looking at them It looks like it passes.

And as I’m writing this, I realize it’s not sudden, it’s like building up inside me for some time, having it’s highs and lows. I’m amazed at how people behave at times, the ease with which they are happy, just because their cell phones have a processor 3%  faster than mine, or just because they grabbed a good deal at the Winter Sale, or because new Android phone is in market, or because they get free pizzas at office all hands, or because they are one of the 100 thousand employees of a company, or because Amitabh bacchan retwitted them. They say happiness can be found in small things, maybe petty is a synonym for small, but still I don’t feel happy for these things, a momentary smile forced into a laughter, but no happiness.
The last time I was home, while coming back I wanted to cry, I felt sad, deeply sad, but tears failed me, even the time my brother dropped me at the Airport I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I fail to express my emotions, I haven’t called Prateek yet, I so much wanted to, but I don’t have the courage, all the creativity fails me before dialing the number, I fail to build up the words of condolences and courage. That day a friend called me after her CAT result, and I feel stupid over the conversation with her, she wanted someone to talk to, and I let her down with some stupid blabber. I wish I could start it all over, I so much wish to be the normal sane, merry guy, but no luck yet.

The world smiles curled in bed
and I sit, listening to the traffic
feeling a void, an urge to cry
and tears failing me, the skies
above conspiring to tear me
and I’m sitting and listening
to a faded song I detest, for
it sounds of merry and hope
you’d ask me why I’m so vain
& then again I’ll fail to explain
all this void and all the pain.

A funny thought just creeped in, maybe I’m going crazy like that Robert de Niro character in Taxi Driver, hah.. had I been home and told this to my mom, she would’ve cast a curfew on the Movies and Internet, lucky she’s not here else she would’ve been worried about this. But no, I’m not crazy, not yet, not the homicidal maniac turning on an automatic weapon on innocent people on a crowded traffic signal… I still find the thought of standing in front of a mirror and pulling out a gun and saying ‘you talkin’ to me?’ funny.


Hey Wassup.. ? How’s life ?

Posted: January 3, 2012 in Random Bluff

Hi dude ? Wassup ?? How’s life ?

This is probably the first thing your long lost friend asks you when you are accidentally online on some social networking site at the same time, and somehow he decides to ‘ping’ you to get to know ‘wassup’ with you. ( by long time, i don’t mean the time that you’ve exactly taken to forget the poor dude(tte) in front of you and vice versa ).

Even those who were with you in college or your last company also qualify for this perfectly…
In fact, cut the sarcasm, this is probably the first thing just about anybody asks you when they are in terrible desperation to start a conversation. So, how exactly are you supposed to answer this question without actually meaning to answer ? Because, face it.. your life is not something you can actually explain as an answer to a question with 2 words in length. And specially in these times you won’t tell that your girlfriend is not talking to you because you called her brother fat, or that your job sucks, or you are broke, or some bouncers just pushed you out of the bar last night, or that you are not loosing weight despite regular workout… We just want to play it safe, look cool and careless… in best of spirits.Generally we say,
1) “Am fine, how’s yours ?” – Which means, I really dont wish to discuss MY life with you and am certainly not interested in yours ! still if you have something bothering you it’ll be fun to know..
2) “Going on.. “ – Which means, Its going on BAD ! and at least one of the things I mentioned above or even worse that that is haunting me..!!
3) “Ya… going on” – For those you who are thinking, whats the big “ya” going to make a difference to point 2 and 3 ? Well, the much prolongated “ya” simply means… hmm, its not too bad.. but nothing’s happening.
A smaller “ya” would mean, am just trying to answer your question faster cause my life is boring anyway !!
4) “Super” – This one’s tricky, The answer can be either sarcastic, more like “duh… am dying and you ask me how is life ?” Or it can actually be Super ! ( Yeah, dont be surprised.. some life stories are actually “super” !!)
5) “Bindaas”- Okay, that’s the hindi slang. And this means, the dude doesnt give a damn to his life or your question!

Anyway, Apart from all the amazing gyan that am boring you with early in morning, i think “how’s life?” is a question thats used quite liberally. Imagine the poems it can bring out of a person when asked at the right time, in the right tone, with the right emotion and right look !
Hmm… time to hit the keyboard for some work now… ;)

P.S. Will be going home this Friday, already in the festive mode, not having even a fraction of a mood to work anymore… :(
P.P.S. Excited for the Metallica concert.. won’t be attending the first Indian F1 though.. maybe next year… :)

One often comes across phrases like you are lucky, luck is on my side, good luck, bad luck, you just got lucky, best of luck, in luck, out of luck, as luck would have it etc. To my knowledge, almost everyone believes in luck. The thing which I don’t get is why people go in for luck. The whole of the human race in my perspective could be classified into three broad categories videlicet

.Those who believe in the existence of God(theist).
..Those who don’t believe in the existence of god(atheist).
…Those who are skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism(agnostic).

If a person is a theist, why should he believe in luck when he believes in God? and if he still persists to believe in luck,
.Is luck another God?
..Why doesn’t one worship luck?
…Who is bigger and greater,luck or God?

If a person is an atheist, why should he believe in luck when he doesn’t believe in God? If he still persists to believe in luck,
.Is luck superior to God?
..Shouldn’t he be believing in his efforts rather than luck?
…How can he put his faith in luck when he can’t put his faith in God?

If a person is an agnostic, he must be skeptical about luck’s existence if he is skeptical about God’s existence, if not, well then it’s just his misestimated clairvoyance!

LUCK is just a four letter word which has a meaning in the dictionary albeit has no meaning in real life!